Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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