I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
