OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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