There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize