the condom got lost in my hair
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
