I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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