Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
where are you?
Hypothermia
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
