I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
