i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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