I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
