I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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