She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
only you would photoshop your dick
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
