Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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