No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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