Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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