they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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