you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
