In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
