we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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