is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
