and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
pray to the hookup gods
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
