five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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