So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Drunk is a universal language darling
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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