i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
