I am puke
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
