why didn't you poke me back
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
