i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
