She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
