Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
