just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
