Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dignity is for republicans.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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