It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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