My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
