She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
