oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
