I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
