stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
