in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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