I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
