Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
