Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
