your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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