ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
