This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
