I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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