It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
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all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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