What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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