The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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