Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
