even my farts smell like vagina
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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