I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Actions speak louder than pants.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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