I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops