She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"