Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?