Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
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Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top