My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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