Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
