Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
