I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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