Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
