I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
