hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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