Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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