So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
