i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
