we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is my gift to your gina
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
